“The Breaker”

Our words are powerful though they may not always seem so. The Bible says that death and life are in the power of the tongue. (Prv.18:21)  

Did you know that a hippopotamus can open its mouth wider than nearly any land animal? It can open up between 150 and 180 degrees? Did you know that his bite is stronger than a lion’s and can break a crocodile in half? Wow, that’s powerful! That’s what I learned when I researched hippos when God used one to tell me about the power of our words. 

That’s what this painting is about, the power of the tongue. Do you have trouble speaking up or being quiet? I have had both at one time or another. It’s hard to believe that today anyone needs to be prodded to speak up, but I have and do. I’m still working on this among other things.

I always felt compassion for Moses when he asked God if someone else could speak because he didn’t speak well. Obviously, his response was not the best one. I could see why it would be scary to Moses, but God had a plan to help him.  

I’m going to keep working on speaking up. What about you? What do you have to share? The world needs encouragement. Who can you encourage today? Praying for your peace. 

More Freedom

One of my favorite places to go to just be and breathe is the Sandzen Gallery in Lindsborg Ks. They have quality work and are well-curated. It’s hard to believe it is in such a small town. I go there to drink it all in and for a moment feel connected to other creatives in some way. It is rejuvenating.  

It’s not unusual for me to go in to see a show more than once if I can. The first time through is usually a quick scan. Any returns are usually slowed down on the pieces that I want to spend a little time with. Last weekend I went in and spent some time looking at Zac Barnes art from Lawrence Ks. He has several beautiful works up but the one that pulled me in was a landscape painting of a country road that you see above.  

This painting looks so much like a road that I once lived on. As I sat with it memories good and bad trickled in. It was like an entrance or a window opened. Often, I am inspired to paint, draw, or do something else visually creative after visiting a museum. On this day I was inspired to write. Poems flowed that haven’t for some time. Poetry, for me, is a language of beauty that I haven’t been able to connect with well for a while. When I tried it felt forced and awkward. I just hadn’t been able to connect with that part of me. Honestly, I wondered if it was gone altogether. 

That day was a gift. Fortunately, no one was there to see me being teary. Again, I saw that creators should create whatever is in their hearts to create. We have no idea who it will touch or how.  

This isn’t just for creators though, but for anyone. This goes back to whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God (1 Cor 10:31 & Col 3:17). Do the good things that are in your heart to do. You don’t know how it will affect others. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, or what you think your qualifications are. The world needs it.

If you have a moment and so feel inclined, I would love it if you would share something that you have wanted to do in the comments.

You can see more of Zac Barnes work here on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zakbarnesartist/?hl=en

Freedom and Enjoyment

This painting is an image I saw during some time spent with Jesus. In it, I saw a line of paintings, then a tiger cub face painting, and then another line of paintings. I felt like God was speaking to me about freedom and enjoying creating.  

Many of my paintings come from the time I spend with Jesus. I paint them both to remember and process them. A time before this I was telling God that it would be cool if he showed me a tiger cub so I could paint that. I was kind of joking around and forgot about it afterward. I just didn’t feel like they represented anything to me except beauty and maybe strength. 

When I saw the image, I felt freedom in it. It felt like God was telling me to paint it just because I had an appreciation for them. Shortly after that I opened my bible to 1 Timothy 6:17: 

“Command those who are rich in the present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.“

My eyes were drawn to the italicized part which was underlined in my bible. My heart was struck that God gives us all things, including things to do, for our enjoyment. This is so amazing that God not only has a plan and work for us, but that he has enjoyment for us in it. I had gotten stuck in trying to figure out some problems. When we see his heart of love for us it swallows up so much of the yuck.

God is not a man. He isn’t just trying to get out of you what he can. He is a good father who desires to lavish his love on you. The purpose he gives is not just for us to do for him. God gives us more than purpose. There is joy to be had in his plan.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer.29:11) 

It seems that narrow road that we are walking has legalism and religion on one side with sin and lawlessness on the other. Neither of those is good or fulfilling.

Let yourself enjoy whatever is in front of you. Regardless of the push and pull of life, you can expect good things from a loving father. He has good things in store for you. Look for and expect his goodness. His plan is for every area of your life. 

I pray that your heart receives God’s best for you today and that it be filled with his love and joy.

(Still deciding on a title. Feel free to give suggestions.)

Redemption

I want to share a video set with you I recently watched. In it, I found another layer of freedom. The interview was done on the Shawn Ryan Show with Victor Marx. It’s in three parts on YouTube. I believe that you can find Shawn Ryan’s podcast in other places as well. I will say that it could be triggering if you have abuse in your history. However, he talks about healing as well.

What I loved about this interview, besides the work that God has done in his heart and family, is how God is using Victor now. There is so much redemption and grace. For one, this man and others like him are an answer to my prayers and many others. The work that they are doing to save kids from the worst of this world is so important.  

His story breaks ideas or expectations we might have about what a Christian serving Jesus is supposed to look like. I know at times I have looked to certain other believers as to what that was supposed to look like. I mean, after all, they grew up in it, I didn’t. I looked to them for confirmation that I was on the right track.

I think many newly born-again believers who look to find a place to serve God first go to the idea of becoming a pastor. That’s fine, but there are many other places to serve as well. God is using Victor’s previous life and skills to do really good work. I love Jesus’ redemption stories. He leaves nothing out. Nothing is wasted. He has a plan for your whole life, not just part. 

It’s so easy to try to look for something that is already being done to find where we might fit in. Besides looking to where we fit in, we may be looking for approval from others to find where we belong. What makes us think that someone else knows? The one who made us knows. He didn’t plan any part of our lives with a cookie cutter. He cares about the one, the individual, and the details.  

 I realized that I was still looking for approval from a few individuals. Letting go of that is freeing. We may look to others when we don’t feel confident in ourselves and our own decisions, especially when our lives are completely disrupted.

Letting God lead you can be scary at times, but he will never fail you. Every scary time is just more opportunity to learn to trust God more.

I hope you find time to watch all three parts of this interview. It’s worth it.

He Never Gives Up

I was not good at sports. I wanted to be, but I wasn’t. I was also embarrassed at my lack of ability. In grade school, I signed up for basketball. I went once. That was not the last time I quit something. More often than quit, I didn’t even try. I was sure that I’d fail. In my head, “I can’t” was a common phrase. 

My dad would say, “Can’t never could,” when I’d say, “I can’t.” That would aggravate me as a kid. It didn’t make a lot of sense to me. Of course, he was trying to say that you’ll never do anything if you don’t try.  

Since I genuinely believed that I couldn’t do something and I was stubborn, if I didn’t quit, I’d aggravate the other person until they pushed me away. I think many, if not most people have a push point. God does not. You cannot push him to where he will give up on you. He will never give up on you and he thinks that you can do anything. Isn’t that crazy!? I have argued with him about this. I’ve waited for him to give up, but he doesn’t. Trust me, I’ve tested this. I didn’t realize that was what I was doing, but it was. 

When he says that he will never leave you nor forsake you, he means it. So, whatever is going on in your life now, or whatever the future brings, he is there. He will not move from beside you. You are never alone.  

I got myself in a lot of trouble as a kid. I was in and out of foster homes, group homes, and other institutions for a few years. I quit school and moved on my own at sixteen, almost seventeen. I was a mess. There was a lot to overcome. It was overwhelming.

When Jesus got ahold of me, a healing journey began. When I backslid a few years after I got saved, I was sure that he’d given up on me. He didn’t. Many times since then I’ve thought the same. He won’t. “He will never fail you nor abandon you.” (Dt.31:8) 

So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” 

Then Moses called for Joshua, and as all Israel watched, he said to him, “Be strong and courageous! For you will lead these people into the land that the Lord swore to their ancestors he would give them. You are the one who will divide it among them as their grants of land. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (Dt.31:6-8)

This is a promise from God. He will do what he said. Praying for you dear one.

I’m working on a podcast. It’s one of those things that I have felt a nudge to do for a bit. I will post it here when I do.

Magazine Article

My first magazine article came out this week. The theme of this issue is fellowship. I wrote on the fellowship of his suffering. All different kinds of images come up for different people on the topic of suffering. I hope people can plug in their own difficult time without discounting that experience. Blessings.

Here is the link to read: https://elohimgospelministries.com/current-issue

Reeds to Matchsticks

8×8 Acrylic on canvas board

This painting comes from a morning I woke up to an image of a hand holding a matchstick and I heard, “I’m turning reeds to matchsticks.” Immediately I knew he was talking about the bruised reeds.


“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.” (Mt.12:20)


He was talking about those who had been bruised by trauma, circumstance and the attacks of the enemy. Weak is how the enemy wants them to see themselves, but God was saying that he was going to start a fire with them.

There is a hidden strength of the Lord’s in them that they have not yet seen, and that he wants to reveal. He has been busy working on this through the challenges they have faced. He is getting ready to reveal the fire starters.

What a Healing Path Looks Like

When you are in the healing process, there may be times that the progress that you have made can look like it disappeared. This is not true.  

Anxiety sneaks in and takes your breath away. Sadness comes in a moment and tells you that it’s going to stay. Identity lies can trickle back in and tell you that you have no value. In the moment it may seem very convincing that the progress wasn’t really progress at all until… 

Until you see that what may have once lasted for months or weeks decreased to days. Then you see that days are shortened to hours or maybe even minutes. When you can get back up on your feet in a shorter period of time that is a sign of healing. A step back is not a sign of failure. Like in boxing, you may get knocked down several times. Don’t stay down. Get back up and swing again. Keep getting back up.  

Eventually, in difficult moments you may notice that the heaviness isn’t quite as all-consuming. There may still be hurt, but there is a light of hope that wasn’t there before. This is healing. It’s a journey. One step in front of the other, you will get there.  

You may not be like me, but I have been awful at least inwardly if not outwardly when I was hurting. A scripture that I have held close for many years is Ps.73:21-24.  

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. 

This was given to me when I had only been a Christian for a couple of years. I could be quite abusive to myself, especially inwardly. At the same time, I could be quite angry and scared of God and others. Most of this went on inside my soul. I would cut myself off from others and didn’t share a lot of what was going on inside. One day a man gave me this verse from the Lord. I didn’t know at the time how much I would need it in the years to come. I didn’t know that my healing journey would take the time that it has. The reason it took so long was that I began the healing journey and then got myself into a situation that brought new wounds.  

I have been senseless and ignorant. I have been a brute beast before him. Still, he never leaves me nor forsakes me. His love and faithfulness absolutely wreck me. I continue to be amazed and in awe of his goodness. He loves you the same. The lengths that he will go to show you. I don’t know about you, but most parents would not give up one of their children if they had a dozen. They certainly wouldn’t give the only child up to die and watch them suffer for someone else.  

He is faithful to bring you through what he brought you to. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Keep going. Healing isn’t always a linear path. Sometimes it winds, circles, and even backtracks a bit. Blessings friend. 

(The acrylic painting above is one that I am working on and almost finished, Untitled Kingfisher.)

Praise

On the roadmap to healing, one of the greatest keys to healing for me has been praise. This along with prayer holds great power. As I mentioned in the last post, I have received much healing and release in praise and worship.

Worship isn’t just for church on Sunday mornings. This is for your everyday. 

In a particularly long difficult time, a breakthrough began for me with thanksgiving and praise. I started thanking him for small things. I also thanked him for the things that hurt, even though I didn’t feel like it. I thanked him for things like the beauty of the earth, music and art elements, line and color, and form and shape. These individual elements of art brought relief to me. Praise helped by giving me a different focus and it brought healing. 

I knew that God was good, but it was hard to see it when things were dark. When I praised him, he came closer into view. The hurts began to lose ground. I encountered his love in deeper ways. As I received his love, I received healing. 

Much of the healing I’ve received came from displacement. That is displacing old wounds with the healing love of Christ. As you spend time in his presence, you receive his love, and wounds are healed. It’s a journey. I’m walking in much greater freedom now, but sometimes things still come up that I have to deal with.

The first dream that I had about praise was like the battle of Isreal and the Amalekites in Exodus 17. I was standing under a canopy on a river dock with my hands raised and I was singing. Above me, angels and demons were fighting. As I praised the Lord, the angels were winning. When I lowered my hands and stopped singing, they were losing. 

In a vision in the middle of worship, I saw a group of people and angels worshipping the Lord before his throne. There was a war going on, but we were not involved in the warfare at all. We were just standing, beholding his beauty and glory, receiving his love, and praising his name. While we were adoring him, he was doing all the fighting.

There is no pressure on us to perform. Our song of worship is a song of war because it invites God into our situation. With his presence in our situation, the enemy cannot stand.  

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. (2Cor.10:3-4) 

I am not often loud by nature. I had often seen warfare as loud and aggressive. In my heart, I had often asked God about this. It felt like David and Goliath when David tried to put on Saul’s armor it was awkward and didn’t fit well.  

It is not about emotion. You do not have to be feeling the song. When we praise even though we don’t feel like it, that is a sacrifice of praise. We do it because God deserves it and we know that it is the right thing to do. It was in these times when I wasn’t feeling it, that Jesus showed me the power of my praise. It drives your enemy crazy! Your enemies absolutely cannot stand that though you are hurting and may not understand, you still choose to praise. This is like a sonic boom! It sets off a loud boom in the heavens! 

You can sing with premade praise songs or make up your own. I see an overlap between praise and prayer and often will sing my prayers. The Psalms are filled with David’s prayers as well as worship. I suggest finding a quiet place by yourself, a car, a walk, your room. Begin singing what you’re thankful for and then what comes to mind. Let the Holy Spirit lead you.

I pray that you would experience his presence and love in greater measures and with greater freedom as you spend time praising. Blessings.

(The painting above is a mixed-media piece I made with acrylic and colored pencil. You’ll probably see more abstract work in this style as I dream about the cosmos. )

Forgiveness

I have been a bit slow and inconsistent about this blogging journey. Actually, I’ve been a bit slow about a lot of things. For the next few months, I will be writing here about a roadmap to finding healing. As I look back, I can see specific stepping stones that the Lord led me through.  

The first step without a doubt would be giving my life to Jesus. Without that, I couldn’t have done the rest. After salvation, one of the first things that Jesus lead me through was forgiveness. 

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (Col.3:13). 

 Forgiving is essential for receiving inner healing, and it can be hard. Yet, God forgave me of so much. I had carried a heavy weight of bitterness on my shoulders from a young age. This weight grew over time and colored the way I viewed everything. When I felt convicted by God to let it go, it seemed impossible. 

I had to choose to forgive many times. When the feelings or memories came back, I would have to do it again. I asked for his help to forgive those who had hurt me. I couldn’t do it on my own. I tried, but there was so much there.   

One Sunday morning, as I sang to the Lord during praise and worship at church, he poured out healing over my heart. He helped me let it go. Years of buildup came pouring out in tears as he washed away the bitterness that I had carried so long. I cried so deeply that it felt like it came from my entire being, clear to my toes.  

I did not walk out the same person that came in. I felt totally new. I have had other hard things to forgive that happened after that day, but that was momentous. Since then, Jesus has brought me many layers of healing. 

Unforgiveness causes us so much more pain than it causes the ones that hurt us. It can look like a sharp foreign object lodged in our hearts. If it isn’t removed, it becomes bitterness, an infection. Out of that bitterness flows a nasty substance that affects other areas of your life that you may not see.  

In my twenties, I was working as a nurse in the float pool at a hospital. One evening, in the ICU, I had a patient with a severe leg infection that required amputation, gangrene. That is one of the worst smells, the smell of dead and rotting flesh. That’s what I believe a bitter heart must smell like. It isn’t pleasant to be around. I wasn’t often pleasant to be around. I’m sure you know others like that. 

I remember the look of fear and distress on his face. I hardened my heart and became bitter to prevent more pain out of fear of being hurt again. Instead of warding it off, it caused more pain. I wasn’t free to fully love or receive love. Instead, I was always guarding and not giving myself fully. The walls I put up to protect myself kept others out. 

Forgiveness was only the first step. Just like I had to come to Christ, repent and be forgive, so I had to forgive as I had been forgiven. It opened the door to more healing. 

If there are things that you are carrying, burdens that are weighing you down, come bring them to Jesus. He will help you release them, just ask. Praying for you. 

(My pokey snail sketch. They are such interesting little creatures.)